Best Bloke Born Every Year: Ranking the Planet's Top Talents by Birth Year

Gone are the days when crowning the world's finest footballer meant just uttering Lionel Messi's name. These days, it's a proper scrap – especially with Ballon d'Or sulks from the Madrid and Barca lads every season. As Ryan O'Hanlon pointed out in ESPN Spain (via OneFootball and the Evening Standard), it's more entertaining now, shifting month to month. And with a World Cup looming, we'll all pretend one superstar carries the trophy home.

But let's flip the script: who's the top dog by age group? We've lumped 'em by birth year, from nappy-rash newbies to grizzled pros. Buckle up – it's a wild ride through the talent pipeline.

The Absolute Kids: 2009 to 2007

Starting with the 2009 crew – barely old enough for a man's pint. Step forward Max Dowman, Arsenal's teenage winger who's etched his name as the youngest ever Premier League goalscorer. Picture this: the lad ghosts coast-to-coast against a side that thumped Chelsea 3-0, all while sporting a dodgy tache that screams 'first shave gone wrong'. Mikel Arteta's giving him minutes despite his paranoia over risky attackers – massive vote of confidence at the Emirates.

Sure, Germany's Kennet Eichhorn has racked up 800+ defensive midfield minutes for Hertha Berlin (pre-injury), which is bonkers for a 16-year-old. Defending's a minefield for kids; one slip and you're counter-punched into next week. But Dowman's thriving at a top club? He nicks it, mate.

2008 is a no-brainer: Lennart Karl, Bayern Munich's attacking mid who just hit 18. He's started 20 games across Bundesliga and Champions League, bagging eight goals and seven assists. That's 0.79 non-penalty xG + xA per 90 – elite numbers. Bayern minutes at that age? Gold dust for projections.

Then 2007: Lamine Yamal. The Barca winger's hit 50 career goals faster than Ronaldo or Messi. What else ya need? Lad's a freak.

The Rollercoaster Rookies: 2006 and Beyond

The 2006 batch shows how bonkers youth development is. Take Endrick – hyped as the next Pelé, benched at Real Madrid, then loaned to Lyon and banging in goals again. Or Myles Lewis-Skelly: Arsenal and England starter last year, now sidelined by giant fullbacks and the Prem's set-piece obsession. Unlikely to sniff Tuchel's World Cup squad.

Flip it: Yan Diomande, flogging high school in Florida four years back, now terrorising defenders on Leipzig's wing with goals and assists. He'd fetch the fattest wage of the lot on the market.

But caution's key in projections. Enter Warren Zaïre-Emery, PSG's 20-year-old mid who's second in career minutes among under-21s in Europe's Big Five leagues. Ligue 1 ain't the Prem or La Liga, but consistency trumps hype. Steady Eddie in a chaotic group.

O'Hanlon's piece cuts off here, but the pattern's clear: elite minutes at elite clubs scream future stardom. These lads are two World Cups from their peak – Dowman'll be 24 come 2034. Imagine the debates then.

It's all subjective, innit? Attackers break through easier 'cause errors up top get shrugged off, unlike a midfield gaffe sparking counters. Coaches like Arteta weigh risks heavy, yet still unleash the kids. Pub punditry gold ahead.

World Cup year means we'll shoehorn these gems into 'best player wins it' narratives. For now, raise a glass to the birth-year bosses – from Arsenal's mustache kid to Yamal's magic. Who's your pick per age? Hit the comments.